O Allah, on this day, do not let me abase myself by incurring Your disobedience, and do not strike me with the whip of Your punishment, keep me away from the causes of Your anger, by Your kindness and Your power, O the ultimate wish of those who desire.
Today was just a emotional roller coaster ride. Probably the hormones. But seriously, I dont think I’ve felt this many waves of emotions in a while. I was happy, then angry, then really angry, then hurt, sad, depressed, happy, sick, now I’m just all of those emotions put together. I had fights with ppl today, just all day. I probably should just keep my mouth shout about things, its Ramadan….but all these feelings. ugh. I just had a fight with my guy cousin like 5 mins ago, who’s house i live in. He said something, hurt my feelings, and instead of making it better, he laughed, i stormed out of the room, and now im sitting here crying. Maybe its not people that are insensitive, maybe I just deserve the meanness. Its been happening over and over again all day. The worst part is is that, I already feel like im a burden, that i dont really belong anywhere. Whether it be my aunts house where I share a room, or here where I have my own room, i dont COMPLETELY belong, i’ll always feel like a burden….so it just sucks when I get into a fight with them, because I feel like I dont belong even more, or just plain unwanted. Like its just been wayyy too long since i’ve felt like Im needed, or wanted somewhere. I feel like a foster child, going from one place to another. I dont know what to dooo with these feelings besides cry about them. I dont wanna live with other people anymore. i Just want my parents back, so I can be with people that HAVE to put up with me…that has to fight with me…people that have to love me no matter what. I dont even know why I’m crying so hard.
I’m gonna go read some Quran, and call it a night.