When you reallyyy miss someone..you miss the little things. Like the way they looked at you, the crinkle in their eye when they smile at you, the way they smell or you imagine them smelling, the way they talk with you, walk, eat, and the way they sleep, and the way they loved you. Their laugh….a short chuckle, cackle, or hearty loud laughter that touches you right in the heart, and all the other right places, warms your insides, turns your tummy into mush…. The way they sound when they’re sad, their sighs, and their stare, and those sad eyes. The way they sound when their teasing you, the humor in their words, the glint in their eyes, the mischief in their laughter. The way they sound when they’re mad at you, the anger in their voice, the meaness in their manner. Or the way they sound when they’re sleeping, when they’re busy, when they’re antsy, nervous…or especially when they’re loving. The kindness in their words…no matter what the truth is, the kindness if their voice will always be something you never want to doubt, always real, always something you’ll never forget, and continue to miss. those kinds of things are whats worth missing, what you really miss.
Every one is talking about how they think i just need a superhero to come and save me. YOU KNOW WHAT i’m goddamn tired of people trying to “save me”. or actually me thinking that someone will actually come and SAVE ME. I’ll be my own superhero, and i’ll save myself thank you very much. I DONT TRUST ANYONE anymore. I’m done.
ended up in a shady ass walmart where they wouldn’t let me go into the bathroom cuz there was someone hiding in there. WTF. and i really had to go pee. so then i went, and i couldnt go cuz i felt like I would get std from sitting on there. and the floor…omg the floor.
Tomorrow morning, I will wake up….and the first thing I’ll do is clean out my car. Any moment toyota towing will come and cease it. Theres not much I can do to save it anymore.
I didnt think this day would come….where i helplessly start losing everything that establishes some sort of means for me in this life.
Im surprisingly calm right now. Just praying for a miracle.
It just reminds of just a few months ago, when I lost our house…and I had to pack it all up and give it up.
for people that are actually in my life, seeing my battle first hand….I ask for nothing but patience from you, if i’m rude, I’m sorry. If I’m impatient, I’m sorry. If I’m crying all the time, I’m sorry. If I’m too sensitive, I’m sorry.
I feel insulted beyond belief. People really need to stop feeling like they need to treat me like an imcompetent child all the time because I don’t have a job yet, or because I’m stuck in this rut. you wanna help? help nicely. No I don’t have my shit together, but it doesnt mean you can insult me when I’m already so emotional about ten thousand other things.. QUIT treating me like i’m stupid.
O Allah, on this day, purify me from uncleanliness and dirt, make me patient over events that are decreed, grant me the ability to be pious, and keep company with the good, by Your help, O the beloved of the destitute.